My heart cries out, “Will this be what it is like everywhere I go, Lord? Will my heart be torn into a thousand pieces and left in different parts of the globe? What will I have left? Will there even be a me?”
As I sit amongst these beautiful, engaging Maasai women, I can’t believe how dear they have become to me in such a short time! Was it only just two days ago, that we had tumbled out of bed at the crack of dawn, crammed into our tiny van and traveled three hours to this place?
It seems like I’ve lived a lifetime in just this short space of time.
I will never forget my first glimpse of these warrior-like women dressed in brilliant colors with many beaded necklaces and bracelets walking across the arid plain to the aluminum-sided church building. The mountains stand tall in the distance. Dry brush and acacia trees cover the landscape. Beautiful blue and orange birds chirp and flutter from one tree to another. Termite hills dot the countryside, an antelope grazes nearby and a dog wanders aimlessly looking for food. The absence of city sounds is striking, I only hear the laughing and chatting of women and birds. No car motors, no honking sounds, no airplanes flying overhead.
And now, it’s time to leave. How can you feel like you’ve lived a lifetime and yet not lived even one hour?
How precious and how beautiful these Maasai women are! My heart is so connected to them in ways I never thought imaginable. So much as transpired in these few short days . . .
I witnessed the pain that their culture inflicts upon them. I heard the trembling voice of a young woman unveiling her heart to me about the pain she endured in her home. I laughed with them, sang with them and tried to mimic their amazing dancing. I listened to them arguing, discussing and singing in a language that wasn’t my own. I drank Maasai smoke tea and was given a window into their hidden world of giving birth. I experienced the darkness and evil of the vain traditions that hold them captive and powerless. I witnessed the spark of light brought through God’s truth. This tiny remnant, of powerless women, now awake to the power of God’s Holy Spirit ready to bring about change in their culture!
Jesus said in John 10.10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
And for a long time, the thief has had his way amongst the Maasai but NO LONGER! It has begun and my heart is so hopeful for them!
As we drive away, I know I have left a piece of my heart there and the pain is excruciating.
I wonder . . . Is this even a little hint of what Jesus felt for me? Was His heart torn into a thousand pieces when He saw the brokenness and pain of this world?
Then Jesus said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?” (Luke 9.23-25)
This is the beauty and mystery of grace. It is the backwards, upside down way of living in God’s kingdom . . . giving to receive, denying ourselves to find our true self, dying to find life!
What excruciating pain and yet what joy! What sorrow and yet what beauty! As I give my heart away, I trust God will patch up this broken heart with His love – a love that knows no bounds and has no limits!
And in this process of patching and refining I find LIFE, LOVE and new STRENGTH to give my heart away again.
Spilling His Grace,